8:03 p.m., 2004-02-16
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Still in a funky mood. I'm introspective, quietly thinking of all the possibilities. I'm also listening to the song I mentioned previously- "Paint It Black". That song is becoming me.
Have you ever wished for something so bad, that it actually came true? And when it did, you were disappointed? I've had that happen to me before. I think I enjoyed the hoping and wishing and daydreaming, it gave me something to do. Once I got what I wanted, it wasn't as appetizing. Which is also my philosophy on guys: once I know that they like me, or have interest in me, I stop liking them.
Things that I once found so hilarious seem so immature now. I'm much more serious; I have to be. Everyone elses' problems seem so trivial. That sounds condescending, I know, but they just do. Like the ever so common "Does he like me?" situation. Sure, I've gone through that. Everyone has. But I don't obsess about it. Or at least I try not to. I know that there are much more important things to think about, which does explain why I always have a sour look on my face.
That song never gets old.
I'm not going to talk to anyone tomorrow, if I can help it. It's not because I want seem sad and angry, or trying to get back at someone, it's because I'm going to observe the results. Plus, I need some time to myself.
I see a red door and I want to paint it black...no more colors anymore I want to paint it black...I have to turn my head until my darkness goes
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