4:51 p.m., 2004-02-14
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First, I would like to day that I was very surprised by this...not to say that I wasn't happy, though.
Who can I trust anymore? It's hard to find anyone who I know will not betray me. I may be paranoid, but not without reason. There are many things people do not know about me, even my so-called "confidantes". And I wish that I could keep it that way, but I'm incessantly being harassed about what I think, what I'm doing, et cetera. I just wish that I could be left in peace, so that I could figure out what I'm going to do with the rest of the short time I have.
My father mentioned a few weeks ago that he wants to see me over my spring break. He said that he could come out here, or I could come out there. I know he would rather have me visit him in that hell they call Michigan, so that he could avoid my mom. But there is no way I am going back there- I have no reason to. He has family out here (other than me), and it's so much better here than there.
That song "Paint It Black" by the Rolling Stones is definitely one of my favorites. I'm classifying it as a M.I.B. It has a certain feeling to it...and I feel that way. Oh, do I feel that way.
I'm not letting these people take over my life. I can be afraid, sure, that is a given. But I'm not going to avoid anything, change the way I conduct myself. Hell, I won't even change the music I listen to. This fight has gone on much too long; it's time for someone to step up and act like an adult. And that someone, I guess, has to be me.
My birthday is drawing near, and I couldn't care less. The age I am turning- I already feel like I have been that age for the past three years. I just wish that I could skip these years. But that wouldn't be too wise, as that these are the last years.
One secret that I'll divulge is this:
As much as I tried to avoid it, I'm falling.
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