8:37 a.m., 2003-11-23
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Everyday, we have choices to make. Whether it be deciding what eyeliner to buy or to run away, they are still choices. Whatever we choose to do now will directly affect us at a later time. This being such an important issue, you would think that a considerable amount of the human race would work on this, try to make the best choices that they can, knowing that each decision has consequences. Nope. For example, my cousin, is an alcoholic. However, though she hasn't directly said it, it's "not her fault". She blames her substance abuse on her parents divorce, her father, her mother, her step-mother and father...everything but herself. Sure, there are those times when it becomes self-depricating hour for Carrie (my cousin) , but that only ends up with her blaming her father for all the academic pressure her places on her, or on her mother (my aunt- of course) for being so "careless" and stupid. Whenever she goes on a rant, I can't help but think... Stop. If you hate the way your life is, change it. If all you can do is sit on my couch and complain about it, you obviously don't want it that much. I believe that if you want something, truly want something, you will do everything in your power to get/achieve it.
Just as I talk about my 22 year old cousin, I think about my decisions. Recently, I've been reluctant to make any. I'm stuck in a rut. I see what experiences are open, yet cannot fully grasp their power. What does one do in this situation, when one is confused beyond belief?
I always thought that I would go to college. Now I'm doubting that. It could be because of the AVID program, which is shoving college down my throat. I like to compare AVID to overly religious parents- they mean well, but it all goes downhill when your can't go to Homecoming when you have a date with god instead. Not that I've experienced this, but I know of these things. Anyways, I find myself severely doubting my future. I continue to have the feeling that I will be gone soon, under strange circumstances. I feel like I may know some details, but of course me being the person I am I shan't share them with you.
What's been going on in the world lately? I seem not to know. My own abundant world of coincidental (haha, no such thing as coincidences!) incidents has disconnected me from this place Mr.Clark says should be called Water. Because of course, the Earth is 70% water.
Lately...I've been damn secrective (sp). Elizabeth may know the gist of it. She doesn't know all of it, because even I don't. I fear that these experiences will mold everyone's lives forever, and leave us with odd yet fulfilling memories. For those of you who don't understand, let's just say that sometimes what you think will never happen, indeed does.
So, to close this entry, let me say this: All the bad decisions we make today may turn into horrible mistakes, which will in turn become great lessons.
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