2:25 p.m., 2004-01-03
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Thank my lucky stars I've never been set up with someone. Or at least, not recently.
I wish to travel. Find my roots. To the average person, I may seem like I already have found them. But in America, this delightful melting pot, everyone comes from another country. Maybe they themselves were born here, and their parents and grand parents and so on, but somewhere down the line their family lived in another place. I know where mine did. Or at least somewhat. Sweden, that is. And of course Ireland.
Have you ever found yourself trying to make something real, desperately? I have been, for the last few weeks. Then, goddess knows why, I simply stated "I'm making all this up. A figment of my imagination. That's all it has been, all it will ever be." Something to that effect. But my point is, once I said it, it became true. I felt that a huge weight had been miraculously lifted off my weak shoulders. Whether I'm better off without it? I don't know. I think it was a defense tactic, the more I deny it, the less it becomes. Or at least I thought so. I guess we shall see.
If you knew what I knew, you wouldn't be sitting down eating cheetos. If I knew what he knew, I wouldn't be telling you anything.
� � pr�c�dent ou apr�s
