7:30 p.m., 2004-09-15
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I am pretty indifferent to everything right now, but that is VERY good. It proves that something is true and that I can trust some people.
So far, this school year has been boring. Sure, interesting and mysterious things have happened, but I just don't like it very much. You would think that I would, since I don't have P.E. and 5 out of 6 classes I have with at least one friend. Yet I am still unhappy, and I don't know why. Maybe I am anxious about growing older and facing more odd responsibilties, or losing faith in the possible future. I have just lost hope in so many things, and I don't even know what I want to do, or what I want, and who with, etc. All these fantasies and ideals are getting to me- I want reality- with all of it's hard and tantalizing complications!
I am so tired of asking people questions when they don't even know what the hell I am talking about. Heaven forbid them to actually drop their usual crap and listen to someone else. But it's not like they would know the answers to any of my questions- who am I kidding? I have got to stop being so damn dependent on other people and answer the questions myself.
Dependence! I hate it with a passion. I used to pride myself on being the opposite, but I've fallen into others clutches, their net. They look safe and secure from the outside, but once I was sucked in I knew it would be hell getting out.
Where are all the simple joys? The pleasures we used to partake in, the glory! Now all we feel is shame and betrayal. What do we do, lad?
Home is somewhere she wants to go but where is home? no one knows
� � pr�c�dent ou apr�s
